Changed Inside
by godessoftrees
Summary: Ginny still hears the part of herself that has been suppressed for so long. A songfic to Kelly Clarkson's song, Because of You.


A/N: I posted this on SIYE on 10/16/2005 and decided to post it here. I wrote this 4 years ago when I was 14 and I think its horrible but maybe someone here will disagree. I hope you enjoy! The lyrics are in italics.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot. The rest belongs to the mastermind, J.K. Rowling, and the song belongs to Kelly Clarkson.

**Changed Inside**

The return of Voldemort effected everyone, some more than others. You could tell some of the people were affected, while others didn't show any sign of it at all. Ginny Weasley was one of the ones who didn't show any signs.

Ginny kept her feelings to herself, hoping no one would see the truth. She was haunted by the Chamber nightly, and thoughts of it plagued her ever waking mind. Ginny tried to fight the nightmares and the thoughts off, but nothing she tried worked. So she gave in, and stayed up until dawn each night, too afraid to sleep.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far_

Ginny had changed after the Chamber; it had matured her far more than anything else could have. She now kept herself protected as best she could, determined to not let anything like that ever happen again.

Ginny wouldn't make the same mistakes her old self had. She wouldn't let herself cause her heart so much misery. Ginny wouldn't break the way her old self had, she had fallen so hard. She had learned the hard way to never let it get that far. For she had before, but never again.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Everything was because of her old self. Ginny never strayed too far from the sidewalk, the beaten path. She had to learn to play on the safe side so she wouldn't get hurt…again. Ginny found it hard to trust not only herself, but everyone around her. Because of her old self, Ginny was afraid.

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh  
Every day of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

Ginny's old self was still there, underneath the new person she was. If she started to lose her way, her old self would speak out and tell her. The new Ginny couldn't cry, because that was something the old Ginny would do, and the old Ginny was weak. The new Ginny pretended to smile and laugh, every day, but secretly screamed out inside. Ginny knew her heart couldn't break, it had never been whole to start with.

Tom had made sure of that.

_Because of you  
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Everything Ginny did now, the way she was, was because of her old self. Ginny had gone into the Chamber, a frightened little girl, and come out a mature young woman who kept her feelings to herself. She had changed inside. She never let anyone see she had changed, though she guessed her family could see the difference.

_I watched you die  
I heard you cry  
Every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry  
In the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

The old Ginny had died, and she had watched it. The old Ginny cried herself to sleep every night, and when the nightmares came, she sobbed into her pillow, screaming silently. The new Ginny had been so young, a newborn practically, the old Ginny should have known better than to lean on her. Now the new Ginny was starting to break. She would start tearing up at dinner, and would promptly retire to her room.

The old Ginny didn't think of anyone else, after the Chamber, she only saw her pain. And now the new Ginny cried in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.

The pain was catching up to her finally, after all those years.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I tried my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Ginny's sidewalk was starting to break up, she had to jump from piece to piece. She was starting to push herself more on the safe side, desperate to stay unhurt. Ginny tried her hardest to forget everything, she didn't know how to let anyone else in, only the people who had been there before the Chamber she let close to her.

Ginny was ashamed of her life because it was empty. She didn't know how to fill it. The thought scared her, but maybe if she went back to being her old self it would be filled once more. Ginny was afraid, so she pushed that thought from her mind.

_Because of you_

Ginny built herself back up, determined not to let herself break. If she broke she'd get hurt, and she had already been hurt too much, too badly. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

_Because of you_


End file.
